March 4th, 2008 by Dr. Val Jones in Medblogger Shout Outs
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Here are some good ones from Mindy Robert’s book, “Mommy Confidential: Adventures from the Wonderbelly of Motherhood“:
***
Son (age 6): “Dad, did you have any friends of your own before you married mom?”
Father: “Of course I did.”
Son: “Well, are they all dead?”
***
Mom: “Will, would you like lunch now?”
Son: “Mom, not only do I want lunch, but I want that fly OUT of here!”
***
[Mother is with daughter at a public restroom]
Daughter (age 4): “Mommy, I need a smaller toilet.”
Mom: “Honey, these are the only ones we have right now.”
Daughter: [Every time she wiggled onto the seat to get into a comfortable position, the automatic flushing mechanism was triggered, scaring the girl nearly to death.] “Mommy, make it stop!”This post originally appeared on Dr. Val’s blog at RevolutionHealth.com.
March 3rd, 2008 by Dr. Val Jones in Uncategorized
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Ok, it’s no surprise why Dr. Val is leading a weight loss group
here at Revolution Health. She is a serious food lover. And for those of you who are equally smitten with all things gastronomical, check out the list of folks that I’ll be schmoozing with next month:
Daniel Boulud
Gary Danko
Dean Fearing
Gael Greene
Jess Jackson
Thomas Keller
Sirio Maccioni
Danny Meyer
Robert Mondavi
Robert Parker
Jacques Pepin
Paul Prudhomme
Wolfgang Puck
Ruth Reichl
Phyllis Richman
Mimi Sheraton
Martha Stewart
Jeremiah Tower
Charlie Trotter
Jean-Georges Vongerichten
Alice Waters
Tim and Nina Zagat
It’s the 30th Anniversary Celebration of the Inn at Little Washington! Let me know if you’re planning to be there… or if you’re just jealous.
This post originally appeared on Dr. Val’s blog at RevolutionHealth.com.
March 1st, 2008 by Dr. Val Jones in True Stories
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I was reading Keagirl’s latest post about a urology consult that she did in the psychiatric lock-down unit. Her patient was hearing voices – specifically that his left testicle was speaking to him. The good doctor was able to maintain a straight face through the exam and interview. There have been times when I suspect that my expression has given away my underlying feelings. A few of my awkward moments:
***
Dr. Val: Hello, Mr. R. I understand that you’ve had thrush in the recent past, and that your CD4 count has been as low as 25. Have you had any problems with thrush lately?
Mr. R: Oh, not at all. I found a way to cure it.
Dr. Val: Oh, very good. Tell me what works for you [expecting to hear ‘nystatin swish and swallow’ or ‘diflucan,’ I smile hopefully at the patient].
Mr. R: Well, basically since I started drinking my own urine the thrush has gone away.
Dr. Val: Oh… [pregnant pause] I see [scribbles note on clipboard as she takes one step back from the bedside.]
***
Dr. Val: [interviewing new patient in the inpatient drug detox program] So tell me a little bit about what brings you here today, Mr. S.
Mr. S: Well, you know, I have a real problem with crack cocaine, heroine, and alcohol.
Dr. Val: Yes, I see. Well, it’s good that you’re here now. [I smile genuinely].
Mr. S: But doc, I have to tell you why this all started.
Dr. Val: [Leaning forward, expecting a potentially important insight] Yes, what do you think is behind the drug addiction, Mr. S?
Mr. S: Well, I was born with a deformed penis and I think a lot of this has to do with my low self-esteem.
Dr. Val: Hmm. Well, I can see how that might be very challenging to overcome [eyebrows furrowing in a concerned expression mixed with mild awkwardness and some surprise].
Mr. S: I’d really like to show you what I’m talking about.
Dr. Val: Um… well, I uh… don’t think that will be necessary at this time. I trust you…
***
Nurse: [calling from psychiatric lock-down unit]: Is this the rehab consultant?
Dr. Val: Yes, I’m on call for rehab today.
Nurse: We have a man here with difficulty swallowing and we were wondering if you could take a look.
Dr. Val: Ok, what brought him to the psychiatric lock down unit?
Nurse: Well, he tried to kill a nurse at the transferring hospital – she got too close and he got a hold of her neck. But he’s not too hard to pry off because he has no eyes.
Dr. Val: No eyes?!
Nurse: Yeah, he cut them out several years ago during a psychotic episode. He used a piece of broken glass to gouge out his eyes and cut off his nose and ears too.
Dr. Val: Oh my gosh… that’s really terrifying. [Pauses with images of Silence of the Lambs floating through her mind] May I ask why he can’t swallow?
Nurse: I don’t know why he can’t swallow. That’s why I’m calling you.
Dr. Val: Well, I mean, how do you know he’s not swallowing? Did you see him choke?
Nurse: No he’s not drinking at all.
Dr. Val: Well, is there a cup next to him? Does he know it’s there?
Nurse: [silence]
Dr. Val: Ok, I’ll put him on my consult list…
***
You can’t make this stuff up.This post originally appeared on Dr. Val’s blog at RevolutionHealth.com.
