April 4th, 2008 by Dr. Val Jones in Humor
Tags: Humor, Orthopedic Surgery, Physical Medicine And Rehabilitation, Surgery
3 Comments »
Today I attended a lecture given by an orthopedic surgeon. He was in his early 40’s, tall, and athletic in appearance. He spoke about spinal injuries the way a young boy would talk about crashing his toys together – vertebrae were “smashed, crunched, or wrecked” in various ways. He showed the audience various CT scans and x-rays of the neck, and proudly described the hardware he used to fuse spinal segments. Here are some choice quotes from his lecture:
“I think I’m losing my voice. I don’t talk that much at home because I have all girls. Um… so the cement from a kyphoplasty can get into the veins and travel to the lungs, but it’s not like a big clump gets in them or anything. It’s more like little tiny microscopic pieces of cement. You know, they kind of cause bronchio… bronchiec… broncho… broncholectasis or something. I don’t remember. But if your vertebral body is smushed, what are you going to do? It’s just really awesome to stick that balloon in there and blow up the area. With kyphoplasty you get less… whatever that word is… spill of cement
…So with the thoracic spine I come at it from the back because otherwise the heart gets in the way. Also, I use a posterior approach because then I don’t need another surgeon in there with me, and it’s hard to find them on Saturday mornings.
…If you see lateral translation of the spine then you know you’ve torn everything up. I mean, that thing is going to be a disaster zone so you may as well just go in there with all you’ve got. Hey, if you need surgery, you need surgery. But if a high c-spine injury isn’t unstable then don’t immobilize it or it’ll freeze up like an elbow. You won’t be able to do much more than move your eyes.
…And here’s a case of a guy with Tuberculosis in his spine. We opened that sucker up and it just poured out all over the place. It was awesome. He’s totally fine now.”
I was trying so hard not to giggle throughout this “academic lecture.” It was actually kind of refreshing to get the straight scoop on spinal surgery from an orthopedist who obviously loves what he does. But at the same time, I felt strangely nervous…This post originally appeared on Dr. Val’s blog at RevolutionHealth.com.
March 16th, 2008 by Dr. Val Jones in Humor, Medblogger Shout Outs
Tags: Humor, Parenting, Pediatrics, Relationships
1 Comment »
My friend Mindy Roberts is a mommy blogger extraordinaire. In fact she was one of the very first in this genre – and is author of themommyblog.com.
I’ve shamelessly stolen excerpts from her book “Mommy Confidential: Adventures form the Wonderbelly of Motherhood” for my blog readers. And now, she has created an entire website for kiddie quotes. If your kids or grandkids have said something funny, please share it with the world at PearSoup. Or if you’d just like to return to your own wonder years… take a look at what kids are saying these days. Here are some quotes that I liked a lot:
“Mommy, are you sure you remember how to make a baby?”
— Terrel, 4
“If I plant this eggplant will it grow eggs for us?”
— Spencer, 4
“Whew, that sure was undignified!”
— Ryan, 3
(After running away from the vacuum cleaner)
This post originally appeared on Dr. Val’s blog at RevolutionHealth.com.
March 13th, 2008 by Dr. Val Jones in Humor
Tags: Cancer, Humor, Journalism, News, Pharmaceuticals, Relationships, Research
1 Comment »
In case any of you aren’t familiar with The Onion, it’s a spoof newspaper whose articles range from hilarious to irreverent. Here are some recent health headlines that struck me as funny:
Depressed Cow Eats Entire Haystack
Nation’s Bachelors Demand Health Care Coverage For All Their Buddies
Pharmaceutical Company Says Its New Anti-Depressant Is ‘Worthless And Dumb’
Very Specific Food Pyramid Recommends Two To Three Shrimp Scampis Per Year
Disease-Free Water Tops List Of World’s Most Popular Beverages
Half Of 26-Year-Old’s Memories Nintendo-Related
Swanson Foods Launches Hungry Man Line Of Apparel
Area Man Thinks He Can Save Relationship With Pancakes
American Cancer Society Unveils 1.2-Megaton Anti-Cancer Missile
New Product Can Do All That, More
Barky Dog Just Going Bark, Bark, Bark
And for you scientists in the audience, here’s an Onion classic, mocking the medical peer review process. Enjoy!This post originally appeared on Dr. Val’s blog at RevolutionHealth.com.
March 1st, 2008 by Dr. Val Jones in Humor
Tags: Humor, Obstetrics And Gynecology, Reproductive Endocrinology, Women's Health
2 Comments »
This is one of the funniest SNL skits I’ve seen in a long time (hat tip to KevinMD). It’s a spoof drug commercial about a birth control pill that allows women to have their period once a year. Enjoy!This post originally appeared on Dr. Val’s blog at RevolutionHealth.com.
January 27th, 2008 by Dr. Val Jones in Humor, True Stories
Tags: Humor, Parenting, Pediatrics, Personal, Relationships
5 Comments »
I spent the weekend with 6 nieces and nephews, ranging in
age from 6 weeks to 13 years. One four-year-old niece was particularly
interested in engaging me. I tried to warn her that I was terribly boring and
that I wasn’t good at playing with dolls. But she remained unfazed by my
late-night protestations.
“Auntie Val would you like some ice?” She said, presenting
one melting ice cube to me in her warm hand.
“Hmm… no, not really, thanks.” I mustered a smile hoping
that she wouldn’t feel rejected.
The little girl went on, “Well, my bed is full of soft
blankets so you should put on your jammies and we can go to sleep there. It
will be a lot of fun.”
“Ah… well, that’s very kind of you to offer, but I think I
need my teddy bear to fall asleep. Uncle Steve is my teddy bear.” I pointed at
my husband sitting next to me on the couch.
The little girl replied matter-of-factly, “No he’s not. He’s
your cake.”
“Um… well, that’s an interesting way to look at it.” I
replied awkwardly.
“You know, if you kiss uncle Steve then you’ll be married.”
She went on.
Steve immediately kissed me on the cheek and smiled
triumphantly.
“No, you have to kiss her on the lips, uncle Steve.” The
little girl put her hands on her hips.
“Uh… well… Honey, would you like to marry me again?” I asked
sheepishly.
“Why yes I would…” and Steve gave me a peck on the lips.
Then the girl squealed with glee and ran around the coffee
table one and a half times.
Does this buy me a second honeymoon?This post originally appeared on Dr. Val’s blog at RevolutionHealth.com.
