As some of you faithful readers of Dr. Val may know – I’m a huge fan of massage. Consider it my
addiction, I suppose – it could be worse! And so it may come as no surprise that I had a massage every day of my vacation (7 days in Southern California – sorry I haven’t been blogging as much lately). Yes I’m well and truly tenderized from head to toe. But I have to say that some of the therapists’ chatter was quite amusing to me. I was unsuccessful at completely removing my doctor hat during the experience, and tried not to look quizzically at them as they explained what they were up to and what I needed.
Those of you with healthcare backgrounds may especially appreciate this dialog:
Therapist (scrutinizing my back as I’m face down on a
table): have you seen a chiropractor recently?
Dr. Val: Um, no. Why?
Therapist: Well, two of your ribs are out.
Dr. Val: They’re ‘out?’
Where did they go?
Therapist: A chiropractor can put them back for you so your
muscles won’t pull in the wrong direction.
Dr. Val: Will a chiropractor be able to fix this
Therapist: No, you’ll have to keep going. (Adds some eucalyptus lotion). This will bring your red blood cells to the
surface, and the cooling brings white blood cells to the area.
Dr. Val: (considering what a collection of white blood cells
actually do – yuck). Hrmph. That’s a nice massage technique. What are you doing?
Therapist: I’m using my elbows to stimulate repair cells.
Dr. Val: Ahum…
Therapist: You have lactic acid build up in your shoulders
so we have to flush the toxins out with special oils. You should also drink a lot of water.
Dr. Val: What sort of toxins?
Therapist: Like, dirt and metals and stuff that you’ve been
exposed to. You might have eaten fruit
with pesticides on it. Do you eat
Dr. Val: Sometimes.
Therapist: Oh, you should only eat organic food. Then you won’t have as many toxins built up.
Dr. Val: How do I know how many toxins I have in my body?
Therapist: Well, your shoulders are really tight and your
ribs are out so I think you probably have a lot. You’ll need a lot of massage and you need to
see a chiropractor. The oils I used on
you will have a calming effect, though.
You’ll probably sleep really well tonight.
Dr. Val: I see (inhaling, exhaling). I hope I do.
** 15 minutes post massage – back at the hotel room **
Husband: You smell funny – like an almond.
Dr. Val: That’s “the calming oil that flushed the toxins out
of my body” today. I have to drink
Husband: Well we’re driving 2 hours up to L.A. so don’t drink too much or we’ll have to
stop along the way.
Dr. Val: The therapist said 2 of my ribs were out and that I
need to see a chiropractor.
Husband: There’s nothing wrong with your ribs. Don’t be silly. Why do you keep getting these massages?
Dr. Val: They feel good.
Husband: I could give you a back rub for free.
Dr. Val: It’s not the same, though.
Husband: Why, because I don’t tell you your ribs are out of
Dr. Val: Well, they have a proper table…
Husband: I don’t understand you.
Dr. Val: But you like almonds (hugs him).This post originally appeared on Dr. Val’s blog at RevolutionHealth.com.