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Conversations At The Spa

As some of you faithful readers of Dr. Val may know – I’m a huge fan of massage.  Consider it my
addiction, I suppose – it could be worse! And so it may come as no surprise that I had a massage every day of my vacation (7 days in Southern California – sorry I haven’t been blogging as much lately).  Yes I’m well and truly tenderized from head to toe.  But I have to say that some of the therapists’ chatter was quite amusing to me.  I was unsuccessful at completely removing my doctor hat during the experience, and tried not to look quizzically at them as they explained what they were up to and what I needed.

Those of you with healthcare backgrounds may especially appreciate this dialog:

Therapist (scrutinizing my back as I’m face down on a
table): have you seen a chiropractor recently?

Dr. Val: Um, no.  Why?

Therapist: Well, two of your ribs are out.

Dr. Val: They’re ‘out?’
Where did they go?

Therapist: A chiropractor can put them back for you so your
muscles won’t pull in the wrong direction.

Dr. Val: Will a chiropractor be able to fix this

Therapist: No, you’ll have to keep going.  (Adds some eucalyptus lotion).  This will bring your red blood cells to the
surface, and the cooling brings white blood cells to the area.

Dr. Val: (considering what a collection of white blood cells
actually do – yuck).  Hrmph.  That’s a nice massage technique.  What are you doing?

Therapist: I’m using my elbows to stimulate repair cells.

Dr. Val: Ahum…

Therapist: You have lactic acid build up in your shoulders
so we have to flush the toxins out with special oils.  You should also drink a lot of water.

Dr. Val: What sort of toxins?

Therapist: Like, dirt and metals and stuff that you’ve been
exposed to.  You might have eaten fruit
with pesticides on it.  Do you eat
organic food?

Dr. Val: Sometimes.

Therapist: Oh, you should only eat organic food.  Then you won’t have as many toxins built up.

Dr. Val: How do I know how many toxins I have in my body?

Therapist: Well, your shoulders are really tight and your
ribs are out so I think you probably have a lot.  You’ll need a lot of massage and you need to
see a chiropractor.  The oils I used on
you will have a calming effect, though.
You’ll probably sleep really well tonight.

Dr. Val: I see (inhaling, exhaling).  I hope I do.

** 15 minutes post massage – back at the hotel room **

Husband: You smell funny – like an almond.

Dr. Val: That’s “the calming oil that flushed the toxins out
of my body” today.  I have to drink

Husband: Well we’re driving 2 hours up to L.A. so don’t drink too much or we’ll have to
stop along the way.

Dr. Val: The therapist said 2 of my ribs were out and that I
need to see a chiropractor.

Husband: There’s nothing wrong with your ribs.  Don’t be silly.  Why do you keep getting these massages?

Dr. Val: They feel good.

Husband: I could give you a back rub for free.

Dr. Val: It’s not the same, though.

Husband: Why, because I don’t tell you your ribs are out of

Dr. Val: Well, they have a proper table…

Husband: I don’t understand you.

Dr. Val: But you like almonds (hugs him).This post originally appeared on Dr. Val’s blog at

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5 Responses to “Conversations At The Spa”

  1. RH Host Melissa says:

    That was one of the funniest blogs I have read in a while.  Thanks for the smile :)   And I hope you had your ribs that were “out” taken care of Dr. Val ;)

  2. nobimp says:

    I don’t know which conversation is the funnier.?

    Seven days of massage sounds like heaven but how could you stand seven days of this running commentary? Luckily she wasn’t massaging Dean, her life would have been in jeopardy.

  3. Joe G says:

    Gee, I wonder if the massage therapist has a particular chiropractor in mind … maybe even one who refers his/her own patients back to this therapist for the much-needed massages.

  4. Mindy Roberts says:

    See, that’s when I can’t help lobbing out that I come from a medical family and that we don’t say the c-word much.


    I’ve never actually had such incredibly detailed descriptions of cellular activity during a massage! I imagine that it’s that extra something special they throw in so we know we’re getting a massage to match the price. Also? For the price, they shouldn’t be putting toxins in the fruit compost! Did you tell her you’d been eating their food all week? (Thank Hubby for that phrase. I’ve been taking every opportunity to offer my kids compost with their meals.)

    “Your ribs are out.”

    “Where did they go?”


  5. Anonymous says:

    Who has the money or a caring husband in order to afford going to a massusse chriopractor?

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