I’ve been thinking about your face. Your hands. Your little feet and the chubby cheeks I’ve seen countless times on the ultrasound monitor. I’ve been thinking about the round swell of your baby belly, and the teeny nails on your little hands. Your petite ears. The little rosebud of a mouth.
Growing up, I didn’t have fantasies about the wedding with the white dress and the table seating charts and the guest list. I just knew I would end up with a man who loved me and treated me both like a best friend and a partner for life. And I found that man. Your daddy is one of the kindest, most special people I’ve ever known, and you and I are lucky girls to have him in our life. He’s taken such good care of me for the last few years, and he’ll continue to take care of both of us as our family grows.
But while I didn’t dream about my wedding, I’ve always dreamt about you. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted you in my life. It’s different than the dreams I had of being a writer and a racecar driver and the owner of a breakfast restaurant with a cat that hangs out in the kitchen.
My dreams of you were always a little cloudy, veiled in the insecurity of what a pregnancy with diabetes would be like. Doctors told me for years that women with diabetes, particularly those diagnosed when they were really young, like me, would have a tougher time getting pregnant and seeing the pregnancy through. I pretended not to hear them, but their words settled in my head and I was always hopeful, but never sure, that you would become part of my life.
And then your daddy and I prepared for you, working so hard to control diabetes so that it would be as minuscule a factor in your creation as possible. We got married. We celebrated a year as husband and wife. And then we took the leap to make you ours. We traveled overseas without you, but returned home with you as our secret.
Time has gone by quickly, little girl, and over the last eight months, we’ve watched my belly grow as you’ve grown, too. Ultrasounds and blood tests and fetal monitors confirmed that you were inside of me, strong and healthy and preparing for your debut. The first few months of pregnancy were comfortable, the last few a bit tougher, but all the while we continued to work hard and pray and wait for you.
And now we’re here, baby. Today is your birthday. You are my greatest achievement, my proudest moment, and my whole heart.
Your daddy and I couldn’t be luckier than we are today. We can’t wait to meet you.
All my love,
*This blog post was originally published at Six Until Me.*