Mr. Clark, it appears quite likely you are having a heart attack and will require my services. I will need a retainer of $1,500 via either cash or cashier’s check. This does not cover any treatment, but merely retains me as your physician.
Then you will need to deposit $5,000 into an escrow account. I will bill this account for services rendered. My charges are $400 an hour and I bill in 15-minute increments. Which means if it takes me 5 minutes to review your EKG, I still bill for 15 minutes.
When the escrow account reaches $1,000 you will need to deposit an additional $4,000 into the account or I will cease to be your physician and you forfeit the money in the escrow as well as the retainer, and if you continue to require my care you will need to retain me again.
Would you like me to treat your heart attack?
-WesMusings of a cardiologist and cardiac electrophysiologist.
*This blog post was originally published at Dr. Wes*