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10 Ways Life Tries To Mess With Diabetes Control

Life is trying to further mess with my diabetes control. (Or is diabetes trying to mess with life? Is a zebra white with black stripes, or a horse with black and white stripes?) I’m making efforts to get it together, but odd little things keep leaping in the way. Oh, efforts to thwart: Let me count the ways!

1. Recently, the jar of glucose tabs in my car was empty, so I was forced to stop at a random store and buy a regular Mountain Dew from the vending machine. But I had to open it and let it settle a little first before I could chug it, because draining a can of fizzy sugar would make me instantly ralph.

2. It snowed and/or was freezing on the days I went to the gym. But on the days I didn’t go? Sunshine and warm weather. Stupid weather wants me to be fat.

3. I lost my Dexcom receiver for about five hours, until I heard its muffled scream from between the couch cushions.

4. The sound of the clothes dryer finishing a load sounds like the happy tinkling of the chimes on an ice cream van, which spawns this borderline insatiable craving for ice cream.

5. During my meetings last week with PWoutD (people withOUT diabetes), my blood sugar cruised inexplicably into the stratosphere, forcing me to rage bolus in order to be able to eat more than the plate garnish during lunch.

6. But of course, I crashed hard and instead of enjoying the fact that the luncheon staff supplemented the decadent dessert with a lush bowl of fresh raspberries, I had to wolf it up and then ask for a glass of juice to chase it down.

7. At this same event, during the evening dinner, the group walked over to the restaurant later than I had anticipated, so I was already low by the time we were being seated, forcing me to beeline straight to the bar and ask for an orange juice (“without alcohol, please”) — making me appear to be belly-up to said bar way too eagerly.

8. Walking back from the bathroom to my seat on the train last week, my pump tubing got tangled — on someone else. And it took a full 30 seconds to awkwardly disconnect myself from the old woman’s handbag.

9. I also tried to get into an undercover cop car instead of the car that was sent to pick me up at Penn Station. “Oh, are you here for Sparling?” “No, and you don’t want me to be.” I realized there were lights mounted on the dashboard. “I’m…I’m…you aren’t a car, you’re a policeman. I’m sorry.” Excellently awkward.

10. And lastly, BSparl tried to gnaw on my pump tubing, so I moved my pump to the other side of my body and didn’t see Siah come up and grab my tubing. The cat tried to drag me under the couch like a demon.

Life, stop trying to mess with my diabetes control. Back off. Or if you’re really dedicated to messing with me, at least bring soft-serve.

*This blog post was originally published at Six Until Me.*

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