Conversations At The Spa

As some of you faithful readers of Dr. Val may know – I’m a huge fan of massage.  Consider it my
addiction, I suppose – it could be worse! And so it may come as no surprise that I had a massage every day of my vacation (7 days in Southern California – sorry I haven’t been blogging as much lately).  Yes I’m well and truly tenderized from head to toe.  But I have to say that some of the therapists’ chatter was quite amusing to me.  I was unsuccessful at completely removing my doctor hat during the experience, and tried not to look quizzically at them as they explained what they were up to and what I needed.

Those of you with healthcare backgrounds may especially appreciate this dialog:

Therapist (scrutinizing my back as I’m face down on a
table): have you seen a chiropractor recently?

Dr. Val: Um, no.  Why?

Therapist: Well, two of your ribs are out.

Dr. Val: They’re ‘out?’
Where did they go?

Therapist: A chiropractor can put them back for you so your
muscles won’t pull in the wrong direction.

Dr. Val: Will a chiropractor be able to fix this
permanently?

Therapist: No, you’ll have to keep going.  (Adds some eucalyptus lotion).  This will bring your red blood cells to the
surface, and the cooling brings white blood cells to the area.

Dr. Val: (considering what a collection of white blood cells
actually do – yuck).  Hrmph.  That’s a nice massage technique.  What are you doing?

Therapist: I’m using my elbows to stimulate repair cells.

Dr. Val: Ahum…

Therapist: You have lactic acid build up in your shoulders
so we have to flush the toxins out with special oils.  You should also drink a lot of water.

Dr. Val: What sort of toxins?

Therapist: Like, dirt and metals and stuff that you’ve been
exposed to.  You might have eaten fruit
with pesticides on it.  Do you eat
organic food?

Dr. Val: Sometimes.

Therapist: Oh, you should only eat organic food.  Then you won’t have as many toxins built up.

Dr. Val: How do I know how many toxins I have in my body?

Therapist: Well, your shoulders are really tight and your
ribs are out so I think you probably have a lot.  You’ll need a lot of massage and you need to
see a chiropractor.  The oils I used on
you will have a calming effect, though.
You’ll probably sleep really well tonight.

Dr. Val: I see (inhaling, exhaling).  I hope I do.

** 15 minutes post massage – back at the hotel room **

Husband: You smell funny – like an almond.

Dr. Val: That’s “the calming oil that flushed the toxins out
of my body” today.  I have to drink
water.

Husband: Well we’re driving 2 hours up to L.A. so don’t drink too much or we’ll have to
stop along the way.

Dr. Val: The therapist said 2 of my ribs were out and that I
need to see a chiropractor.

Husband: There’s nothing wrong with your ribs.  Don’t be silly.  Why do you keep getting these massages?

Dr. Val: They feel good.

Husband: I could give you a back rub for free.

Dr. Val: It’s not the same, though.

Husband: Why, because I don’t tell you your ribs are out of
whack?

Dr. Val: Well, they have a proper table…

Husband: I don’t understand you.

Dr. Val: But you like almonds (hugs him).This post originally appeared on Dr. Val’s blog at RevolutionHealth.com.


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