Overheard At Pain Management Clinic

Doctor: Mr. Smith, your urine test is positive for cocaine.

Mr. Smith: [Blank Stare]

Doctor: Have you been snorting cocaine recently?

Mr. Smith: No.

Doctor: Then why is there cocaine in your urine?

Mr. Smith: Maybe your nurse put it in there.

Doctor: If my nurse had cocaine, I don’t think she’d put it in your urine.

***

Bonus tip for pain management specialists: cocaine’s half-life in the urine is 2-4 days. “Random” urine drug testing on Mondays offers a higher yield than other days of the business week because most patients abuse illicit drugs on weekends>>weekdays.


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