September 20th, 2009 by Nancy Brown, Ph.D. in Better Health Network, News
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There was a very interesting article in Reuters Health in June that has stayed with me all summer, and I finally decided to share it with my readers – in hopes that writing about it will help me quit thinking about it!
The data for this study came from more than 20,000 teens involved in the 1995 – 2002 National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, a nationally representative school-based survey done with students in 7th through 12th grades.
The results from this disturbing study suggested that about 15% of teens believed they were likely to die prematurely, which predicted increased involvement in risky behavior and poor health outcomes during young adulthood. The question apparently asks if teens think there is at least a 50/50 chance that they will die before the age of 35, and the students who believed they would die prematurely were more likely to report illicit drug use, suicide attempts, fight-related injuries, police arrests, unsafe sexual activity, and a diagnosis of HIV at subsequent data collection points.
I guess I am not sure what to do with this information. On one hand, it suggests that all of the adults in teenagers’ lives – parents, teachers, coaches, doctors, neighbors, and family members – should pay attention to what teens think about premature death, calling for more communication, which I am supportive of, but how exactly would this subject come up?
I do not think asking how long they expect to live is the answer, but instead I do believe that adults can focus more on staying connected with teens and promoting optimism and hope in youth. I do not believe this means not talking about youth in meetings, but actually spending time with those youth where they spend their time, teaching them skills, sharing a sense of accomplishment, and making a physical and meaningful connection with each of them. Every teen needs to have multiple adults they can talk to and spend time with, especially during times of stress or interpersonal conflict.
Listening to teens talk about their friends, their futures, and their insecurities is a window into their expected life course, and being present enough to hear comments reflecting a “why bother” attitude may be the key! Please listen to your teens and help them feel positive about themselves today!
This post, Many Teens Believe They’ll Die Prematurely, was originally published on
Healthine.com by Nancy Brown, Ph.D..
July 8th, 2009 by Nancy Brown, Ph.D. in Better Health Network
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Just a friendly reminder to parents that dating does not equal sex. I cannot tell you how many teens have shared with me that the first lecture they got from their parents when they started dating was about sexually transmitted infections, including HIV and unwanted pregnancy. Their reactions were “what?”
When young teens start dating it is because they have found themselves twitterpated (which is apparently not a real word), and attracted to someone. Chances are good it is more of an emotional attraction than a sexual one, and one that will wax and wane, usually end with tears, but not kill them.
It is easy to understand why parents panic and worry about sexuality and the risks associated with that sexuality – we live in an extremely over-sexualized culture that can make us believe that everyone is having sex – which is not true. Please remember that only half of teens start being sexual before they are 18, but most fall in love at least once before leaving high school.
Dating is about learning how to be in a relationship, and you will be doing your children a great service if you talk with them about relationships, not sex. It is a good idea to make the difference really clear for them, and make your expectations very clear, too! If you expect your teen to not become sexual, tell them that, and why. Ask them to tell you what there limits and expectations about relationships and sex are. Here are some topic suggestions:
- What do they think dating includes?
- What does sexual pressure look and feel like?
- How would your child resist sexual pressure?
- How long do they think people should date before the topic of sex even comes up?
- How will they know if someone is the “one?”
- What would have to happen before they did think about sexual behavior?
If the possibility exists that they will be sexual, then, you can have the conversation about sex – but not if they tell you they will not be swayed and are not interested – you have to trust them.
Many teens are afraid of dating or choose not to date because a partner may expect sex, so they find a friend or pseudo partner to attend events with and protect them from having to resist sexual pressure – which is a great strategy, but keeps them from trying on relationships.
Oh the conversations that we might have … keep talking and make sure they know you are open to talking – even about things that make you squirm.
This post, Teen Dating Does Not Mean They’re Having Sex, was originally published on
Healthine.com by Nancy Brown, Ph.D..
July 8th, 2009 by Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, M.D. in Better Health Network, Health Tips
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I used to feel guilty when I would say “no thanks” but not any more. I no longer by the line: “Ok…but you do know she might get behind…many of the other kids do continue for the summer.”
I’m ok with it…and so are my kids. And, you know what, not once have they “fallen behind” in any of their activities, even the ones they are at the top of their game on, in sports or in the arts.
It’s a myth that the sports world is the only world with year ‘round pressure. The music and arts worlds have it, too. Those worlds, in fact, can be more insidious about it because it’s done under the guise of “enrichment” and “culture”. The 24/7 wear and tear on our kids bodies, minds, and souls is, nonetheless, the same as with a ‘year round sport and it’s time music, dance and other fine arts parents recognize that their kids, too, need an off season.
The way to look at it is that any school year after school activity that occupies a great deal of time and focus and goes on for most of the school year, or more than 1 celestial season, requires an off season. The model is in the pro worlds. Pro athletes get off seasons and professional dancers and musicians do take breaks from the intense rigor of their professional season.
Our children have 1 childhood and only so much time in it to explore themselves and pursue activities that interest them. Given how much of the school year’s schedule is dictated by adults, the summer is the best time to hand over the reins to our kids and find out what they want to do and make it happen. The summer is the most perfect time to spread wings and try on something new, something that they may have had to shelve by necessity during the school year.
So, don’t buy into the “she’ll get behind” line – in sports or in the arts. Give your kids the off season this summer they deserve. Just like the off season in the pro worlds, kids use the time so productively that by the time they return to their beloved passions, they have a new found energy, zeal and focus. The rust will come off amazingly quickly and they’ll surge ahead again as if the summer never occurred.
Why not just keep on going, you ask? You could…but you may end up turning an activity your kids love into a complete grind and burn them out entirely. Plus, injury rates increase dramatically in sports and the arts when kids don’t have a break. Musicians and dancers put wear and tear on their bodies just like athletes, but with different muscle groups. Those areas of their bodies need to rest and rehab, in addition to their minds and souls having a chance to not focus so intensely for a while.
Childhood isn’t about specialization, it’s about variety. We’ve forgotten that along the way, and our kids’ bodies and spirits are paying a steep price.
*This blog post was originally published at Dr. Gwenn Is In*
April 16th, 2009 by Stacy Stryer, M.D. in Health Tips
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By Stacy Beller Stryer, M.D.
Those middle school years …
As a parent, we often think these are years to be feared. Years that we wish we could just blink away. We hear horror stories from our friends and look at book titles, such as “Parenting 911,” and “The Roller Coaster Years,” with trepidation. If only we could run away … just for awhile.
But, if we did run away we would be missing out on some of the most rewarding and exciting times we will have with our children. Sure, I am not going to deny that middle-school age children(referred to as “middlers” by authors Charlene Giannetti and Margaret Sagarese) are emotional, moody and, at times, unreliable. But, as someone once told me, almost every negative attribute can be turned into a positive one. I guess that means that maybe, instead of being emotional and unreliable, our middlers are actually passionate and spontaneous.
Developmentally, they are expanding their horizons in many ways. This is when they develop abstract reasoning, a complex sense of humor (beyond the potty jokes), and the knowledge that there is an entire world out there for them to conquer. This is when they begin to develop strong interests, likes and dislikes, and when they begin to take greater risks – in a positive way.
Personally, I love being with my middler (8th grade) and my almost middler (5th grade) girls. They are interesting, exciting, and a blast to be with. When my 8th grader becomes passionate about something, particularly some social injustice, she can talk a mile a minute. My 5th grader can be very intense when she practices viola or writes original music for her instrument. She often performs for me while I am preparing dinner. Both are becoming much more adventurous – last month we went to an Asian supermarket and bought several canned fruits we had never heard of so we could have taste tests.
I have been thinking about these middle years recently, not only because my children are this age, but also because I have been preparing for a lecture on this topic for parents at a local school. Although I have been counseling patients for years, I have recently read several additional books on the topic in preparation for the talk. They have been helpful, although my basic parenting principles remain unchanged. They seem to be important for children and teens of all ages. I think (“Parenting, according to Dr. Stacy”) that the six key elements of being a good parent of any age child include:
1. Open communication
2. Respect and consistent discipline
3. Compassion
4. Sensitivity
5. Awareness
6. Being a role model
Although the principles remain the same over time, the way we express them varies, depending on the child’s age. For middlers, there should be a strong emphasis on sensitivity and awareness. Children in this age range tend to be very emotional and sensitive, and we need to understand and respect this. For example, they may not want to be kissed or hugged in public anymore. Or, they may need some private time after school or in the evening. We should allow them to retreat to their rooms for a certain time period before bombarding them with questions or making other demands. Respecting their needs ultimately improves communication. We should also be particularly aware of sudden or extreme changes in our middlers’ behavior, as depression, eating disorders and other problems can appear during these years.
Adapting these six basic parenting skills will certainly not ensure a problem-free middle school experience for you or your child, but it will make it much more likely that he or she will come to you in times of need and will strengthen the relationship that you have with each other. Consequently, your middler will be less likely to engage in high risk behaviors or succumb to peer pressure which occurs during these years.
January 22nd, 2009 by Stacy Stryer, M.D. in Health Tips, Opinion
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By Stacy Beller Stryer, M.D.
We are asking a lot of President Obama. We are asking him to end the wars around the globe, help societies in need, bring jobs and prosperity back to the United States, provide healthcare for all Americans, improve our children’s education, and so on. In his inaugural address, President Obama agreed to tackle many of these issues. We must remember, however, that he is not Superman. He has told us many times, including yesterday, that he cannot make these changes alone but needs the help of all Americans. As he said, “What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility – a recognition on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation and the world …”
Why am I, a pediatrician, discussing an inaugural speech on a website about healthcare? Because, as the President said, each and every one of us has the responsibility of contributing as much as possible to our society and to the world-at-large. As a pediatrician, one of my responsibilities is to guide mothers and fathers toward being the best parents possible. As a parent, each of you has the responsibility of doing the best job you can in raising your children, even before they are born. This means eating well, and refraining from smoking and drinking during pregnancy. It also means providing for them in as many was as possible. This includes, not only giving them appropriate clothing and food, but also stimulating their minds and hearts. It means treating them with respect, acting as positive role models, and teaching them right from wrong – why smoking and having sex as a teen is wrong, why doing well in school is important, and why all people should be treated equal, whether they are black or white, straight or gay, fat or thin. It means boosting your children’s self confidence and letting them know how much you love them. It means becoming involved in activities which help the environment, community, and those in need. And when children become teens, parents must also change their ways – they must learn to recognize when teens need space and when it is time for them to develop their independence.
President Obama is certainly asking a lot of us. But I know we can rise to the occasion. By being good parents and role models, we will not only have fulfilled our duties and responsibilities, but we will also have prepared the next generation to do the same. Here’s to President Obama – and to each and every parent in America.
