The Friday Funny: Butterfly Collections
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Overheard At Pain Management Clinic
Doctor: Mr. Smith, your urine test is positive for cocaine.
Mr. Smith: [Blank Stare]
Doctor: Have you been snorting cocaine recently?
Mr. Smith: No.
Doctor: Then why is there cocaine in your urine?
Mr. Smith: Maybe your nurse put it in there.
Doctor: If my nurse had cocaine, I don’t think she’d put it in your urine.
***
Bonus tip for pain management specialists: cocaine’s half-life in the urine is 2-4 days. “Random” urine drug testing on Mondays offers a higher yield than other days of the business week because most patients abuse illicit drugs on weekends>>weekdays.
Can You Determine A Doctor’s Specialty By His/Her Shoes?
I’m currently at a medical conference for my specialty, Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation. I happened to look around at everyone’s shoes and realized that many medical specialties can probably be identified by the types of shoes they wear. Check out the footwear at your next conference and tell me if I’m on to something. And by the way, this is more or less what rehab docs wear on their feet:
Aspirin: Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures
This story was related to me from a coworker:
I was taking care of a man who was on bipap. (Bipap is a form fitting mask that goes over the mouth and nose to help augment breathing. It has successfully been used numerous times in place of intubating patients and putting them on ventilators.) He was becoming restless and tired of the mask. I had to wait for the doctor to come and see him, though, before I could remove it.
Due to his medical condition, it was very important that he get an aspirin that day. Since I couldn’t give it to him by mouth (because of the mask), I had to explain to him that I’d need to give it rectally as a suppository.
He nodded his consent and I proceeded to give the aspirin.
A short while later, the doctor came to see the patient and agreed that we could take the bipap mask off for awhile. I happily entered the patients room to take the mask off… and before it was even off his face, he stuck his finger in the air and said,
“FOR THE RECORD, that is a hell of a way to take an aspirin!!”
It’s a hell of a way to give one, too.
*This blog post was originally published at Gina Rybolt, RN’s Code Blog.*
