The Friday Funny: Dementia’s Upside
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The Christmas “Miracle”: Vintage Dr. Val
This post originally appeared on my blog last Christmas season – for those of you who missed it, the amusing story is reprinted below:
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My sister Vicki lives in Grand Rapids, Michigan with her husband, three children and an alarmingly large and slobbery Saint Bernard named Gilbert. Several Christmases ago she decided to teach her then 5 year old son, Harrison, about Christmas tree decorating. She took him to a Christmas tree farm and helped him select a tree. They hauled it back to the house and my sister managed, with no help whatsoever from Gilbert, to set it up in a nice corner of the living room. The tip of the tree reached the ceiling and its full figured branches spread from icy window to window.
Vicki and Harrison spent hours and hours winding lights, tinsel, ornaments, paper angels and popcorn strings around the tree. Little Harrison couldn’t wait to see the final product, with glittering lights and a magical star to top off their fine work. They decorated into the early evening, and the living room grew dark as the sun set over the snow covered neighborhood. At last it was time to plug in the tree lights.
As Vicki plugged in the lights for the first time, Gilbert roused himself from his resting place in front of the fireplace and shook off his drowsiness. Harrison held his breath in eager anticipation of the twinkling display that he had helped to create. My sister turned off all the overhead lights.
As the plug entered the outlet, the tree lit up with thousands of tiny glittering lights. Harrison
marveled at his glorious creation. “Mom, it’s the most beautiful tree in the world!”
My sister sat down on the couch and hugged her son tightly in her lap as they relaxed and enjoyed the view. Suddenly, Harrison’s eyes fixated on one of the branches.
“Mom… look! There’s an icicle on the tree!!”
My sister squinted and followed the direction of Harrison’s pointing finger.
Sure enough, there was a glassy, 5 inch long, icicle-appearing object perched in a tree branch in the middle of the tree.
Harrison’s raised his voice with glee: “Mom! It’s a Christmas MIRACLE!!”
The little boy broke free of his mom’s grasp and ran up to the tree to inspect the icicle at close range. As he reached out his hand to clasp it, his look of amazement turned to horror. The icicle was in fact a long
string of dog drool that had flicked off of Gilbert when he shook himself out of his sleep.
“Ewww!!!” Harrison screamed.
My sister slowly realized what had happened and started laughing uncontrollably. Gilbert wanted to get in on the fun and began barking and running in circles. He became tangled up in the extension cord and pulled the tree right out of the tree stand. At that moment, Vicki’s husband returned from shopping with the other 2 children. As he turned on the lights he found my sister trapped under an unraveling Christmas tree, a hysterical child frantically wiping his hands on paper towel, and a barking, drooling Gilbert in the midst.
“What happened here?!” he shouted, attempting to rescue Vicki from underneath the tree.
“It’s a Christmas miracle” was her muffled cry.
And this story will be in our family for a long time to come.
Heard Around The Blogosphere: Top 10 Quotes Of The Week
Forgive me for not keeping up with my own weekly feature: “heard around the blogosphere.” I’ve been very selfish lately, reading and chuckling to myself without sharing. Let me try to remedy that… Here are my top 10 amusing/noteworthy quotes from around the blogosphere:
1. Dr. Rob: “Santa: I suppose if a guy like me can deliver presents to all of the children of the world without developing a significant budget shortfall, perhaps Obama can deliver quality care for all Americans and save money. I would suggest he talk to me before he tries, however, because it isn’t as easy as it looks.”
2. Terra Sigillata: “My hiking boots are old enough to go to college.”
3. Edwin Leap: “Disability is not a career choice.”
4. Ten Out of Ten: “At the interdepartmental meeting the surgeon was irritated at all the hospital cafeteria food being fried and suggested offering some healthy entrees. Turns out they tried that once before but could never sell the healthy stuff.”
5. Respectful Insolence: And then Carol Alt had to come along. Move over, Jenny and Suzanne, there’s a new model woo-meister in town, and she’s looking to out do you both with her vegan raw food woo after having been totally convinced by–you guessed it!–an anecdote.
6. Scalpel or Sword: “Sometimes, [in the ER] what looks like a quickie really isn’t, so one has to be careful.
PATIENT 1
Chief Complaint: sprained ankle (Great, send them
back!)
Nurses note: pt c/o twisted ankle and vaginal discharge for one week. (Never mind.)
7. Scanman: “Soon, specialists will uniformly be comprised of American medical graduates, while the majority of generalists will be composed of mid-levels and foreign-trained physicians. It’s an interesting demographic glimpse of the future American medical workforce… A new kind of caste/class system where the financially less desirable, menial jobs are relegated to second class citizens.”
8. KevinMD: “Primary care is associated with negative connotations such as bureaucracy, paperwork, and being perceived as the lowest physician on the totem pole. Or as this doctor puts it, “‘PCP’ now seems to be synonymous with overworked, underpaid ‘loser’ who at least by some people’s opinions aren’t carrying their weight.” Taking a tip from marketers, how about re-branding the profession?… “
9. GruntDoc: “C=M.D. C=75% and that means I know 3 out of 4 diseases, and that ain’t bad.”
10. PearSoup: To pregnant mommy: “Mommy, If there was a fat person contest you would win! Yay!”
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