January 23rd, 2008 by Dr. Val Jones in Humor
Tags: Humor, Parenting, Pediatrics, Relationships
1 Comment »
Ok, I admit it. I’m just stealing content from themommyblog.net. But this quote was too charming to miss.
My friend Mindy keeps a list of her kids’ comments on her blog and at Pear Soup (a kiddie quote aggregator). This one struck a funny bone today:
Daphne and I were talking about how much we love each other and she said:
“I love you more than 1000 centuries, more than anybody or anything like a bunny or something bigger than the whole world including China.”
Now that’s a lot of love.This post originally appeared on Dr. Val’s blog at RevolutionHealth.com.
December 14th, 2007 by Dr. Val Jones in Humor, True Stories
Tags: Animals, Parenting, Personal, Relationships
3 Comments »
My sister Vicki lives in Grand Rapids, Michigan with her husband, three children and
an alarmingly large and slobbery Saint Bernard named Gilbert. Several Christmases ago she decided to teach her then 5 year old son, Harrison, about Christmas tree decorating. She took him to a Christmas tree farm and helped him select a tree. They hauled it back to the house and my sister managed, with no help whatsoever from Gilbert, to set it up in a nice corner of the living room. The tip of the tree reached the ceiling and its full figured branches spread from icy window to window.
Vicki and Harrison spent hours and hours winding lights, tinsel, ornaments, paper angels and popcorn strings around the tree. Little Harrison couldn’t wait to see the final product, with glittering lights and a magical star to top off their fine work. They decorated into the early evening, and the living room grew dark as the sun set over the snow covered neighborhood. At last it was time to plug in the tree lights.
As Vicki plugged in the lights for the first time, Gilbert roused himself from his resting place in front of the fireplace and shook off his drowsiness. Harrison held his breath in eager anticipation of the twinkling display that he had helped to create. My sister turned off all the overhead lights.
As the plug entered the outlet, the tree lit up with thousands of tiny glittering lights. Harrison
marveled at his glorious creation. “Mom, it’s the most beautiful tree in the world!”
My sister sat down on the couch and hugged her son tightly in her lap as they relaxed and enjoyed the view. Suddenly, Harrison’s eyes fixated on one of the branches.
“Mom… look! There’s an icicle on the tree!!”
My sister squinted and followed the direction of Harrison’s pointing finger.
Sure enough, there was a glassy, 5 inch long, icicle-appearing object perched in a tree branch in the middle of the tree.
Harrison’s raised his voice with glee: “Mom! It’s a Christmas MIRACLE!!”
The little boy broke free of his mom’s grasp and ran up to the tree to inspect the icicle at close range. As he reached out his hand to clasp it, his look of amazement turned to horror. The icicle was in fact a long
string of dog drool that had flicked off of Gilbert when he shook himself out of his sleep.
“Ewww!!!” Harrison screamed. My sister slowly realized what had happened and started laughing
uncontrollably. Gilbert wanted to get in on the fun and began barking and running in circles. He became tangled up in the extension cord and pulled the tree right out of the tree stand. At that moment, Vicki’s husband returned from shopping with the other 2 children. As he turned on the lights he found my sister
trapped under an unraveling Christmas tree, a hysterical child frantically wiping his hands on paper towel, and a barking, drooling Gilbert in the midst.
“What happened here?!” he shouted, attempting to rescue Vicki from underneath the tree.
“It’s a Christmas miracle” was her muffled cry.
And this story will be in our family for a long time to come.
This post originally appeared on Dr. Val’s blog at RevolutionHealth.com.
November 16th, 2007 by Dr. Val Jones in Humor
Tags: Beauty, Humor, Personal, Relationships
2 Comments »
I had a special lunch event scheduled today, so I went to a stylist to give my hair a little more volume. (My hair is pin straight and rather fine, so it takes a fair amount of work to make it look substantially different than this.)
A coworker arrives in my office. He looks at me, tilts his head to one side and says,
“Have you been outside today? Your hair is usually very sleek, but today it’s really messy and ‘all over the place.'”
“Um, no, I actually paid someone to style my hair today. That’s what’s different.”
Blank stare.
New topic.
Dudes.This post originally appeared on Dr. Val’s blog at RevolutionHealth.com.
October 10th, 2007 by Dr. Val Jones in Humor
Tags: Humor, Parenting, Women's Health
2 Comments »
Those of you who enjoyed “Let’s Pick On Anesthesiologists” will really like this video as well. Many thanks to Dinah at Shrink Rap for pointing this one out. It’s a YouTube video of a comedian/mom singing all the things she tells her children in the course of a day, but condensed into 2 minutes. Any mom (or child of a mom) will relate. This woman must be channeling Mindy Roberts. Please click here: The Ultimate Mom Song.
Addition:Thank you, Mindy, for typing out the lyrics! Here you go ladies (and gentlemen?) if you’d like to sing along… And here’s a link to the woman who got this started: Anita Renfroe
Get up now
Get up now
Get up out of bed
Wash your face
Brush your teeth
Comb your sleepy head
Here’s your clothes
And your shoes
Hear the words I said
Get up now
Get up and make your bed
Are you hot?
Are you cold?
Are you wearing that?
Where’s your books and your lunch and your homework at?
Grab your coat and your gloves and your scarf and hat
Don’t forget you got to feed the cat
Eat your breakfast
The experts tell us it’s the most important meal of all
Take your vitamins so you will grow up one day to be big and tall
Please remember the orthodontist will be seeing you at three today?
Don’t forget your piano lesson is this afternoon
So you must play
Don’t shovel
Chew slowly
But hurry
The bus is here
Be careful
Come back here
Did you wash behind your ears?
Play outside
Don’t play rough
Would you just play fair?
Be polite
Make a friend
Don’t forget to share
Work it out
Wait your turn
Never take a dare
Get along
Don’t make me come down there
Clean your room
Fold your clothes
Put your stuff away
Make your bed
Do it now
Do we have all day?
Were you born in a barn?
Would you like some hay
Can you even hear a word I say?
Answer the phone
Get Off the phone
Don’t sit so close
Turn it down
No texting at the table
No more computer time tonight
Your iPod’s my iPod if you don’t listen up
Where you going and with whom and what time do you think you’re coming home?
Saying thank you, please, excuse me
Makes you welcome everywhere you roam
You’ll appreciate my wisdom
Someday when you’re older and you’re grown
Can’t wait ’til you have a couple little children of your own
You’ll thank me for the counsel I gave you so willingly
But right now
I thank you NOT to roll your eyes at me
Close your mouth when you chew
Would appreciate
Take a bite
Maybe two
Of the stuff you hate
Use your fork
Do not you burp
Or I’ll set you straight
Eat the food I put upon your plate
Get an egg A, Get the door
Don’t get smart with me
Get a Grip
Get?in here I’ll count to 3
Get a job
Get a life
Get a PhD
Get a dose of reality
I don’t care who started it
You’re grounded until your 36
Get your story straight
And tell the truth for once for heaven’s sake
And if all your friends jumped off a cliff
Would you jump too?
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said at least a thousand times before that
You’re too old to act this way
It must be your father’s DNA
Look at me when I am talking
Stand up straight when you walk
A place for everything
And everything must be in place
Stop crying or I’ll give you something real to cry about
Oh!
Brush your teeth
Wash your face
Get your PJs on
Get in bed
Get a hug
Say a prayer with Mom
Don’t forget
I love you
**KISS**
And tomorrow we will do this all again because a mom’s work never ends
You don’t need the reason why
Because
Because
Because
Because
I said so
I said so
I said so
I said so
I’m the Mom
The mom
The mom
The mom
The mom
Ta-daThis post originally appeared on Dr. Val’s blog at RevolutionHealth.com.
October 8th, 2007 by Dr. Val Jones in Humor, Medblogger Shout Outs
Tags: Humor, Obstetrics And Gynecology
No Comments »
If you haven’t seen this before, you must check out TBTAM’s photo of a man’s message to his wife (taped on the refrigerator). He had answered the phone and taken down this message for her…
***
“Someone from the Gyna Colleges called. They said the Pabst beer is normal. I didn’t even know you liked beer.”
— Rick
This post originally appeared on Dr. Val’s blog at RevolutionHealth.com.
