“Psychiatrists may be the last batch of physicians who are still granted a luxurious amount of time with patients.”
So says Maria, a psychiatrist who blogs over at intueri.
And because time is so undervalued in our health system, some doctors are relying on psychiatrists to counsel patients in the hospital. She cites an example with surgeons, saying that “it is entirely unfair to both the patient and the psychiatrist for the surgeon to completely emotionally ‘turf’ the patient.”
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*This blog post was originally published at KevinMD.com*
After you get over the urge to run and hide, lock your teen in the bathroom, shave his or her head, and save yourself, take a deep breath and think about what is important here. You are likely panicked because you know that sooner or later someone will break your teens heart – and there is nothing you can do about it, or is there?
Talk to your teen and share what you are feeling as well as what you know. Being new to the world of love/lust/hormones, there are some really great conversations to be had now about balance, friendship, and healthy relationships! First, your teen may be overwhelmed with how wonderful it feels to be in love and you can help remind your teen about balance, and the importance of not losing themselves for love. Your teen needs to stay “true to self” instead of becoming an appendage to the new love. Encourage your teen to stay connected to friends, school, outside activities, family, and sports, while making room for the new love.
You might mention that if that becomes an issue, you can help by setting limits on the amount of hanging out at home, phone, text, and computer time, to help her learn to balance life and love/lust/hormones. This is not a threat – just a supportive way to help your teen transition in the world of love!
Together you can set the expectations that honor this new part of life, make your teen feel listened to and involved with the new contract – the new couple spends time with the family, grades stay up, activities continue, chores, whatever else her life includes must all continue – because your teen has to be a “person” first before a girlfriend or boyfriend. The We’re Talking web site has a great section called the abcs of healthy relationships, which will provide many reminders about knowing when a relationship is not healthy.
Along those same lines, it is important to talk about the importance of friendship – and how you want the first few months together to be spent with family – because early in relationships the goal is to learn to trust each other, find things that you have in common, and become parts of each others lives. Friendship is stronger in the long run than hormones – and if either member of the couple is motivated by anything else other than love – s/he will not make it through the “getting to know all about you” phase.
P.S. Remember that the greater the age difference, and the more time alone they share, the more likely teens will take new love to sexual realms, so be aware and good luck!
This post, When Your Teen Starts Dating, was originally published on
Healthine.com by Nancy Brown, Ph.D..
By Stacy Beller Stryer, M.D.
I read an interesting article in the New York Times last week, “Inside the Mind of the Boy Dating Your Daughter.” When I saw the title, I was instantly drawn to it because my older daughter is going to enter high school in the fall (yikes!) and has recently begun talking about boys. She currently attends a magnet school where most of her classmates are female. She just mentioned, for the first time, that there are no boys to like in her program, which makes for boring sleepover talks (but makes her mother exceedingly happy). Given that I think she’s the cat’s meow, I thought I could get a little “inside information” from reading the article before throwing her into the world of male testosterone and upperclassmen.
However, the article totally surprised me. Coming from a family of 3 girls and having 2 daughters, myself, I am much more comfortable figuring out what a girl might be thinking or feeling than a boy. I must admit that I believed the folklore that teen boys basically have sex on their brains. But, according to a study recently published in the Journal of Adolescence, this is not the case. Researchers had 105 10th grade teens complete a survey about sex, love and relationships. Reportedly, most boys said the main reason they would date someone was because they “really liked her.” The second most common reason they wanted to date someone was to get to know her better, and because they were physically attracted to her. Of note, 40% of the boys stated that they had already been sexually active and 14% wanted to have sex to lose their virginity. We must remember, however, that this was a relatively small sample size done in one school.
As a follow-up, the New York Times asked people to send in their comments about the article, and they discussed the results in the Week in Review. Many of the comments sent in were from adult men, who didn’t believe the teens answered honestly because, as these adults remembered, (?is their memory correct) they thought about sex, and only sex as teens.
An important and notable comment made by Dr. Andrew Smiler, the author of the study, is that parents are less likely to talk to their sons about relationships than their daughters. He stressed the need to talk to boys frequently about relationships, respect, trust and sex.
This gives me some hope that my daughter won’t be bombarded with a storm of testosterone the moment she enters high school. Actually, I am not too worried because I have been preparing her for the world of “boys” since she was much younger. For years we have talked about puberty, and as she has become older we have added relationships, values, possible uncomfortable situations, and waiting to have sex. I believe that this will carry her a long way. And, according to research, I am right, because telling a teenager to wait to have sex actually makes it more likely that they will.
As parents, we must remember to talk to both our daughters and our sons. Our discussions should start early. In elementary school, they should know what puberty is and how boys and girls develop. They should also learn about love and respect. As preteens, they should have talks regarding dating, relationships, and sex. If you wait too long, they will not hear you, or they will already have had to deal with a sexual situation and may not have known how to handle it. Amy Mirion and Charles Miron, authors of How to Talk With Teens About Love, Relationships, and S-E-X, also discuss how important it is to have small, ongoing dialogue rather than the one “big sex talk.” They suggest that, when parents talks with boys, they be direct and simple, and that they include topics such as love, respect, and values. They also stress the need for boys to actually be told to wait before having sex.
Just in case, maybe I’ll send some pepper spray to school with my daughter next year …
For more information on how to talk to your children about relationships, sex, and other risky behavior, check out the following websites:
I was catching up on my Wall Street Journal blog reading, when I came across a post about a physician who was sued for prescribing painkillers to a patient who proceeded to crash her car. The crash killed a pedestrian, and the victim’s wife is now suing the driver’s doctor. Obviously, this case sends chills down physician spines – as it seems that we are now held responsible for patient behavior outside of the the doctor-patient relationship or hospital setting.
Beyond the outrageousness of the case itself, is the sad subtext found in the comments section. Physician after physician respond that they are leaving medicine or have ceased clinical practice. They say that they’d never allow their children to become doctors, and that no amount of compensation is worth the risk and sacrifices of a career in medicine. It’s really depressing to read about such low morale.
For those physicians remaining – I do see a couple of bright spots. First of all, concierge medicine (or “micropractices” where patients pay cash for services) permits the doctor to see fewer patients at the same salary. Removal of the administrative headaches associated with insurance reimbursement as well as the frenetic pace of “volume uber alles” dramatically improves quality of life and patient satisfaction. The physicians I know who have switched to cash-only businesses are very happy.
Second, working as a physician for the US military has one major advantage: you cannot be sued. The idea is that military physicians do their very best to take care of the troops, but it is recognized that military personnel are at great risk for physical harm due to the nature of their job. The Feres Doctrine stipulates that military personnel cannot sue the government for perceived (or real) poor medical outcomes related to active duty. In cases of medical negligence (for veterans and off-duty military personnel), the government may be sued, but not the individual physician.
So, if the tyranny of medical malpractice attorneys becomes unbearable, one might consider practicing in a VA or military hospital. Sounds crazy, I know… but it’s worth a look! Of course, a better solution would be for the next administration to take on Tort Reform in a serious way, and promote tax breaks and facilitate health savings accounts for Americans who’d like to have more control in how they spend their healthcare dollars. Maybe then they could sign up for an affordable concierge practice and at last both doctors and patients could be happy again?
What do you think?
This post originally appeared on Dr. Val’s blog at RevolutionHealth.com.