Tom Daschle’s opening comment at the Partnership to Fight Chronic Disease conference:
One time I was introduced as a model politician, model South Dakotan, and a model husband. My wife looked up the definition of “model” in the dictionary and it read, “A small replica of the real thing.” I don’t aspire to be a model anymore.
This post originally appeared on Dr. Val’s blog at RevolutionHealth.com.
Ok, I’ll admit it – I spend a lot of time on the Internet. Sometimes I ignore my husband while I’m blogging or emailing folks in the evenings or weekends. I know I need to find better “life balance” and give at least my immediate family (kitty and hubby) the right amount of attention.
Regular readers of my blog know that my husband is a funny guy. Lately he has really outdone himself. When I’m deep into a blog post or an email and he wants me to listen to him, he has taken to pulling on my “doctor-heart strings” by announcing that he has a certain disease or condition that needs attention. Of course, my husband is not a physician, so he isn’t sure how to use all the medical terminology that he hears here and there. This is what he said yesterday when I was on the Internet:
Hubby: Help!
Dr. Val: Mrpmph.
Hubby: Help! I need help!
Dr. Val: Hrmph, sigh.
Hubby: Help! I have antalgic encephalopathy!*
Dr. Val: (Cogs and wheels turning as I consider what that fake disease would actually look like). Ha, ha, ha! Ok, honey I get it – you need a hug and some attention.
—
*For non-doctors: “antalgic” is almost always used to describe a limp to alleviate pain when walking. “Encephalopathy” means degeneration of brain function. So I guess a person with antalgic encephalopathy would be walking funny due to some sort of brain infection/disorder.
How does your significant other get your attention?This post originally appeared on Dr. Val’s blog at RevolutionHealth.com.
My husband said this after contemplating his accidental role as softball captain for his work team:
“I think I’m a closet extrovert.”This post originally appeared on Dr. Val’s blog at RevolutionHealth.com.
A friend of mine sent me this fake advice column entry (“Dear Walter” instead of “Dear Abby”). I’m so sorry that I don’t know who the original author is, but I’ve seen it around on some blogs. Let me know if you think it rings true!
Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out, and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help.
When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor lady. I am 32, my husband is 34, and we have been married for twelve years.
When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago, and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won’t go to counseling and I’m afraid I can’t get through to him anymore. Can you please help?
Sincerely, Sheila
***
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
-Walter
This post originally appeared on Dr. Val’s blog at RevolutionHealth.com.
As my regular readers know, my husband has a really dry sense of humor. Couple that with a kind heart filtered by a data-driven mind and you get some fairly “harsh” sounding statements that are meant well, but come out oh so horribly wrong. I’ve heard that many men have struggled with “foot-in-mouth disease”… and so for you ladies who love them, and men who can relate, this one’s for you.
What not to say when you’re jogging
So, I’m not a natural athlete – but I try really hard to stay in shape and have been working extra hard recently because I’m leading a weight loss group here at Revolution Health. I like being outdoors so I figured that jogging would be the right sort of endeavor for a slightly uncoordinated person like me. Of course, hubby is part-human, part-gazelle, so running is right up his alley. I’m probably more part-human, part-water buffalo (if we stick with the African theme here) so let’s just say it’s a bit harder for me to keep up with hubby. Nonetheless I was brave enough to ask to run with him – I thought it would motivate me as well as get both of us out in nature.
We jogged every other day for a few days together, and I was huffing along doing my very best to keep pace and also not die. Hubby was quiet the entire time until one day he looked down at me thoughtfully and said,
“Have you ever considered doing a sport you’re good at?”
I was flabbergasted. I gave him “the look.”
“Well, I just mean that this is obviously quite difficult for you and you might enjoy something that’s more suited to…”
I looked at him, beet red, sweaty and incredulous. “More suited to WHAT?”
“Well… um… perhaps you’d like to hike?”
“Hike where? All the land around us is flat. Do you mean WALK?”
“Sure, walking might be a good option for you.”
And so ended my jogging routine with hubby. I’m vaguely looking for a running partner who’s more my speed. But perhaps I’ll just default to having my husband walk next to me while I jog?This post originally appeared on Dr. Val’s blog at RevolutionHealth.com.
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